Wild Card Wednesday: The Room

Director: Tommy Wiseau

Year: 2003

Genre: Drama

Summary: Johnny is a successful banker who lives happily in a San Francisco townhouse with his fiancée, Lisa. One day, inexplicably, she gets bored with him and decides to seduce his best friend, Mark. From there, nothing will be the same again.

5/5 Pineapples

Review:

"This isn't a 'normal' movie. I don't think that makes it bad... In fact, I think it makes it incredible", said a friend of mine, and I couldn't have described the film better.

You can't go into this film expecting a typical story line, acting style, and/or execution of literally any other film you have ever seen before. You'll be disappointed if you go in with any kind of expectation. To appreciate this film, you have to sit back and just go along for whatever ride Tommy Wiseau is trying to take us on.

This is Tommy Wiseau's passion project. To truly appreciate this film, you have to know how dead serious Wiseau is about it. He is genuinely feeling something in the execution of this film and in the acting of the character, Johnny, whom he plays. We, as viewers, are just not sure what exactly it is that he's feeling and trying to convey to us.

With a mundane story line about a man named Johnny who is being cheated on by his fiancée, Lisa, with his best friend, Mark, it would seemingly be the most boring, soap opera-esque movie ever made.

But it's not. You'll watch until the very end like so many before you did and so many after you will. There's something about this absolute train wreck that is notable. There are plenty of horrible films that I'm sure we've all seen that we never care to share or talk about again. But this film leaves an impression. This film is still being talked about after 15 years. And for some, like my friend that made the above statement and some writers of other reviews I've read online, it's a "favorite".

How could that be?

Well, to understand The Room, we must understand Tommy. Unfortunately, we know very little about Wiseau's past, but I have a theory that the film is about Tommy. Wiseau is foreign and his character, Johnny, is the physical representation of The American Dream. Johnny, the ultimate protagonist, is a successful banker, with a seemingly loving fiancée, and loyal best friend, as well as the 'adopted father' of an orphan neighbor boy, Denny. What a guy. Who wouldn't want to be a successful American, and overall good guy?

In the film, despite all of these attributes, his doesn't fiancée love him. (Tommy, who hurt you?) And she makes sure to tell you every other scene between discussions with her mother and best friend - who for some reason comes to Lisa and Johnny's apartment when they're not home to hook up with her boyfriend.

That's just one of many scenario's you'll be asking yourself, "why?" about after the credits begin to roll. And, while on the topic of the questions you'll be asking yourself by the end of the film, here are a few of mine:

Why was this called The Room? Why are all the pictures in their home of silverware? Why does no one care that Lisa's mother has breast cancer? Why did Denny want to and almost watch Johnny and Lisa have sex? Why was the awkward interaction between Johnny and the flower shop attendant necessary to keep in the film? Why was the scene between Denny and the drug dealer even written and kept in the film? Why is there a drawn out shot of Johnny and Mark romantically playing football? Why is the first scene of Johnny and his friends playing football in an obviously fake alley but the next scene of them playing football (in tuxes) is on a real street? Why, if the film was shot in LA, did Tommy use a green screen to shoot the rooftop scenes?

What was Tommy Wiseau trying to tell us?

We don't have the answers. But Tommy was so passionate about telling this story and performing this role - that much is true. And to sit and watch this film, it has to be understood how important this movie was to Tommy and how much he genuinely put into this. This was not a "bad film". Bad films are thrown together poorly and hastily. There was thought, intent, meaning, and passion behind The Room.

We just don't know what the f*** it is.

It's hard to discuss a film that is nonsensical, and lacks any structure or understanding, but that's exactly why this film needs to be seen.

Reasons to watch:

• Within the first 10 minutes, there's 3 sex scenes - not all of them between Johnny and Lisa - backed with some misplaced, sensual, original R&B tracks. If that doesn't sell you, I don't know what will. Do it for the sensual R&B jams, if nothing else.

• There's a sudden argument on a roof between Denny and a drug dealer who instantaneously pulls out a gun.

• Lisa's mother tells her she's been diagnosed with cancer and Lisa tells her "doctors cure cancer every day" and goes on to complain about how much she's not in love with Johnny.

• And honestly, through all the terribly poor acting, the last 15 - 20 minutes of this film make it so worth it. Lisa decides she not only is not in love with Johnny, but also has lost all respect for him because she tries to sleep with Mark in the living room at Johnny's birthday party while Johnny and their friends and family are outside. She's caught, obviously. And Johnny EXPLODES with rage.

To sum up the film, Lisa ends up leaving. Johnny paces around a lot and throws a few things, then pulls out a gun from a drawer and shoots himself. His body is found by Denny, who contacts Lisa and Mark. The movie fades to black as Lisa and Mark sob over Johnny's bled out body.

In case anyone is interested in catching this anomaly in theatres, here are the rules:

1.) I recommend seeing it once before catching this in theatres. The first time around, you're not going to know what to expect, and you'll be baffled more than anything else. The second time, you can laugh at how wild and confusing the film is. Also, THIS MUST BE SEEN WITH OTHERS TO EXPERIENCE FULL ENJOYMENT. Have a laugh with friends.

2.) Dress code: red dresses and ill-fitting tuxes.

3.) Get tipsy

4.) Pack A LOT of plastic spoons. Whenever you see a shot with framed silverware in the background, you throw the plastic spoons at the screen.

5.) Prepare for cancer jokes. Not because cancer is funny, but because of the complete lack of regard the film has for Lisa's mother's breast cancer.

6.) “Meanwhile in San Francisco!” can be shouted during one of The Room’s many shots of San Francisco.

7.) Shout “Go! Go! Go! Go” over any of the lengthy tracking shots across Golden Gate Bridge.

8.) “Because you’re a woman!” can be shouted as a response to any line delivered by a female character, but mainly Lisa. This is a reference to the weird, twisted misogyny that guides Tommy’s characterization of Lisa, which is a more than blatant attempt to work through his own anger at some mysterious person who broke Tommy’s heart in the past.

9.) Shout “Scotchka!” during the scene where Lisa pours Johnny a drink made from two-parts Scotch and two-parts vodka. Yuck.

10.) Sing along to ‘You Are My Rose’, one of the many R&B tracks behind The Room's many sex scenes.

11.) Sing the ‘Mission Impossible theme’ when Johnny implausibly hooks-up a tape recorder to his fiancee’s telephone.

12.) Ask “Who the fuck are you?” at any point when a seemingly principle character is introduced who hasn’t been established in the first 30 minutes of the movie.

13.) Count the number of times a football is thrown.

14.) Whenever a character is giving an impression of a cowardly chicken, chime in.

15.) Lastly, be prepared to greet all of the main characters with an, “Oh hai (name)” whenever they walk through the door of WHOEVER’S FUCKING APARTMENT THIS IS???

~

5/5 pineapples for being the absolute best at being the absolute worst.

For more thoughts on The Room, and to see where I acquired these theatre rules, click here.

Any thoughts on what Tommy Wiseau could have been trying to tell us? Lemme know! And, thanks for viewing!